A Week Late

I waited to say anything about the Virginia Tech shootings. There are people far more eloquent in their words, far better analysis of the subject, and far better perspective on the situation, having some sort of connection to the campus or its students.

That having been said, you're now going to be subjected to my opinion:

Who is to blame? Do we blame the media for inspiring people with violent TV shows, and then giving white-hot spotlight attention to the killer? Do we blame violent video games that cheapen the value of life? Do we blame violent anarchist/jihadist type websites that give instruction on how to inflict the most collateral damage, or the freedom of speech that permits such websites to run? Do we blame his oriental upbringing, the kids in his elementary school classes, or someone in his past that had possibly molested him?

While many of these things may have played a role in the volcanic anger that erupted in this guy, the primary blame must be assigned to the shooter himself.

I mean, let's get real. Does he think he's the only person in America to have been turned down for a date, to have been mocked for one thing or another, to not have money, and to have a difficult run at things? He may have had some issues, but he could have sought help from any number of sources. The choice to shatter countless lives was his, and not a very bright one at that. Anyone with the IQ of an average garden vegetable knows that taking a gun and randomly blowing people away does nothing to solve the problem.

The Media. Report the facts, celebrate the lives of those who died, and inspire the nation to greater things. After that, leave the story alone. Playing this idiot's "manifesto" over and over again, and putting this turd-bucket in the headlines for days and weeks does nothing good. You want to send a message to potential copy cat killers out there? Show them that their name will quickly fade into obscurity, while their victims will long be remembered.

And as far as "a backlash against Korean Americans"... What, was it a slow news day? Do you honestly think that people will blame Korean Americans for the actions of this nutjob? I don't remember a backlash against white middle-class Americans when Columbine happened... And we're not all so shallow as to blame a particular race for violence. Stop playing a non-existent "race card".

Guns Kill People. Sure they do. When they have some trigger-happy fuckwit behind them pulling the trigger. Are we going to start outlawing cars because of drunk drivers?

In and of themselves, guns are not the problem. Legislating away the right to bear arms is not the answer, because the ones you are mainly affecting through such measures are the law abiding citizens. Gun Control activists: Get this through your head! The bad guys will always find a way to get a gun if they want one bad enough. The only people you would be disarming are the ones who could stop them.

We had a "situation" here in Salt Lake a few months ago; some of you may remember it from the national news: A lone gunman strolls into a Salt Lake City mall and starts shooting people left and right. He was only able to kill five people because he was stopped dead in his tracks by an off-duty policeman who was carrying a concealed weapon. Several reports stated that the killer had a look of surprise on his face when the policeman shot him. Sure he did. He had hundreds of rounds, and was planning on using them all.

Look at the facts: Mass murderers will follow the path of least resistance; they will go where few, if any, would be able to stop them. Schools, shopping malls...gun free zones... Watch the news at night. How many Palestinian or Iraqi homicide bombers walk into a military outpost to blow themselves up? You're right: It's usually bus stops, school yards, shopping malls, pizzarias, discotheques... places where there are lots of people who are usually unarmed. A mass murderer is going to shy away from places where people are able to fight back, because they are cowards.

Now, that being said, here is my plug for gun control: Unless you have been properly trained to use a firearm, you have no right to pick one up. Among other things, correct gun training instructs you that use of a firearm is not a first choice, but a last resort. You need to be aware of the responsibility that comes with picking up a device that can take a person's life.

How do we prevent this from happening again? There are things we can do to prevent the likelihood of a horrific even like this recurring, however there are no guarantees. This reminds me of Dr. Malcom from Jurassic Park when he was told that the dinosaurs couldn't breed, because they were all genetically bred to be female. His reply: "...life, uh... finds a way." No matter how many safeguards are put into place, evil can always find a way.

What do we do about it? Live life to the fullest. Evil has always coexisted with good in this world; it's a fact. It's been said that "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men and women to do nothing." I would add to it that evil has triumphed if it has taken away your freedom and life and replaced it by fear.

There are no guarantees. You could die tomorrow from a horrific event like this one, or from a terminal illness, or from a car accident, or from heart failure, or from any number of different things. OR, you could leave past 100. Whatever the case may be, you only get one run at this life; don't let fear rob you of it.

Utah Driving Revisited

I am resurrecting a post from my previous blog. This is in response to the abnormally high number of [long, vulgar tirade deleted] on the road, and their amazing magnetic ability of finding me and getting in my way...

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Here is a copy of the "Newly Updated Utah Driver's Test"*

This test is BOTH the sample test and actual test. The sample test has the correct answer(s) to the questions in italic print, and sometimes the actual test does too, if they get mixed up.

UTAH DRIVER'S EXAM*
* Not Really

Turn signals are to be used:

1. For three seconds before initiating, and during any lane change
   
2. Never during a lane change, but sometimes for miles on end down a straight stretch of road
   
3. Turn Signal? Is that what that blinking yellow thingy is?

If your turn signal doesn't work, the proper way to signal a left-hand turn is:

1. Extend your left arm straight out your window
   
2. Swerve suddenly to the left
   
3. Turn signal? Is that what the blinking yellow thingy is?

When you arrive at a two-way stop, you:

1. Look both directions, before cautiously moving into traffic
   
2. Execute a "California Rolling Stop", and glide into the intersection, nearly causing an accident.
   
3. Sit at the stop sign for minutes on end, even while no one is coming in either direction, and when somebody honks at you, you immediately flip them off, shout "F*** you!" out the window, execute your move into traffic while hanging your head out the window, still yelling things in "Inner City Urban" at the person who honked at you, and looking like a complete dipshit.

When somebody rapidly gains on you in the far-left lane on the highway, you should:

1. Courteously move to the next lane over and let him pass.
   
2. Tap your brake lights to let the approaching driver know that he's traveling at an unsafe speed
   
3. Stand your ground! Let that sonofabitch know that the speed limit is 65 DAMN MILES PER HOUR, not 80! Let that leadfoot asswipe know that lawbreakers will not be tolerated in your community, certainly not on YOUR watch! (Oh my, was that my church voice?)

The proper use of a cell phone while driving a car includes:

1. Pulling over to the side of the road, so that you can devote your attention to the call.
   
2. Keeping at least one hand on the wheel of the car while your are talking on the phone.
   
3. Driving 30mph slower than surrounding traffic while on the phone, at the same time, being largely oblivious to said traffic.

If the car behind you is riding your bumper, swerving slightly back and forth, and the car in front of you is more than a quarter mile ahead of you, you should:

1. Courteously move to the next lane over and let him pass.
   
2. Ignore him, he probably doesn't carry a gun in his car.
   
3. Whip out the cell phone, decrease speed by 30mph, and call 9-1-1. He's probably drunk.

You should check your rear view and side view mirrors

1. Once every ten seconds
   
2. When I hear honking
   
3. What? I can see my rear in a mirror?!

If you hit an animal on the road, you should:

1. Call the highway patrol and advise them of the location of the animal, and fill out an accident report.
   
2. Pretend you don't notice that the whole front end of your car has been smashed to hell, and continue along your way.
   
3. Depends on if there's good eatin' on it or not.

When being pulled over by a police officer, it is advisable:

1. Be respectful, keep you hands in plain sight, and do not make any sudden moves.
   
2. To pretend that you're a foreign tourist, and that you did not know the local traffic laws.
   
3. To throw your stash and illegal weapons out the window.

Proper etiquette in addressing a police officer who has pulled you over includes:

1. Respect, politeness and cooperation
   
2. making up some lameass story about why you were speeding, or exposing more cleavage than is necessary.
   
3. Impressing the officer with your obvious gangsta style, carrot-like IQ and inner-city vernacular that uses far too many "Z"s in it, and ending your sentences with "yo".

The correct function of an automobile is:

1. Transportation mechanism.
   
2. Booty-mobile
   
3. 2300 lb. guided projectile.

Proper speed through a residential aera is:

1. 25mph
   
2. Slow, with subwoofer blasting, so everybody knows da Big Dog is in town!
   
3. Nothing under 3nd gear.

Motorcycles are:

1. Bound by the same traffic laws as an automobile
   
2. Pretty darn fun
   
3. Not the best thing to ride into a hotel lobby.

Pedestrians

1. Always have the right of way
   
2. are just unlucky bastards who can't afford a car
   
3. are worth 50 points.

What bumper sticker is most commonly seen on the Utah road?

1. My child is an honor student at ________ school.
   
2. My child can beat up your honor student.
   
3. Forget bumper stickers, I like them chrome nekkid ladies on my mud flaps!

What is the political affiliation of most of your fellow Utah drivers?

1. Republican
   
2. The one with the elephant
   
3. Whichever one is all for me keepin' my assault rifle collection.

Which of the following items can impair a driver's ability to safely conduct a vehicle?

1. Excessive alcohol or medications
   
2. Carload of screaming children
   
3. The sun reflecting off of those bright, shiny spinning hubcaps....ooh, shiny, sparkly...

What is the legal blood-alcohol limit before you are considered unsafe to drive?

1. 0.08
   
2. 55mph, I guess.
   
3. When I caint remember the ex-wife no more.

When an emergency vehicle approaches, you should

1. Pull off to the right side of the road and wait until it passes, then resume normal driving.
   
2. Try to outrun it.
   
3. Emergency vehicle? What emergency vehicle? Guess I better turn down da subwoofer.

The preceding was NOT actually an official test from the State of Utah. However, judging by the way most Utah Drivers conduct their vehicles, there has to be an unofficial study guide out there which bears a striking resemblance to this document.